Friday, December 12, 2014

     Am I enough?

Just this morning while sitting my little one down for breakfast, I had a moment where I lost control. As soon as my little one sat in his highchair, he smashed his whole banana and threw his toast. He wouldn’t take a bite of anything. He proceeded to throw, clamp his mouth shut, and cry. I met his mini-meltdown head-on; trying to shove bites in his mouth and telling him to STOP. I got so frustrated that I cursed under my breath and flicked my fingers in the air, as if I were going to flick him on his grimy little hands. Looking back on it, who was more mature? Probably him, since his actions were developmentally appropriate. I, on the other hand, was being very immature. 

A few months back, my little one was riding in the stroller while we were out shopping. I had been stopped at the register chatting with a friend. I pushed the stroller forward and it was stuck. I pushed again. As I leaned around to see if something was in front of us, a woman says, “Your baby is on the ground.” What?!?! I saw him immediately, wedged under the front of the stroller looking up at me. I was humiliated and confused. He was unharmed; he had done some Houdini trick to get out of the harness and slide under the snack tray. 

Sometimes, moments best us and we are left feeling like we should be nominated for Worst Mommy Award. 

If you were judging my parenting by those two moments, you would say I was lacking in some way; you may say that I wasn’t a good mommy. What you don’t see, from these two mommy failures, is the many moments where I do everything I can to meet my little one’s needs. If I allowed myself to wallow in all of my little failures, I would believe I’m not good enough to be his mommy. The truth is that I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Sometimes, moments best us and we are left feeling like we should be nominated for Worst Mommy Award.  Wait! Is that actually a thing? As moms, we feel like it is. We feel as if every other mom is watching…and judging. 

Some of us feel like there is a secret mommy competition, in which we are surely falling behind. More importantly, we wonder if we are enough for our children. No matter what stage of mothering we are in, we wonder. 

we wonder if we are enough for our children . . .

But, what does it really mean…to be enough? 

Meeting your infant’s basic needs with support from family and friends; Deciding that sometimes babies cry and you need a few minutes to recover your sanity before returning to him; Answering all of your infant’s cries yourself. 

Exclusively breastfeeding; Supplementing with formula. Nursing through toddlerhood. 

Having all of the most expensive baby gear; Using second-hand baby gear; Getting reasonably priced necessities. 

Staying home full-time; Providing for your family financially, however that looks; 

Sending your kids to the best schools; Sending your kids to the local elementary school; Homeschooling. 

The list could go on indefinitely. 

Parenting is an infinite number of decisions in which you choose what is best for your family. 

Despite all of the books and free advice available, no one can answer these questions for you. As the mommy, you are the only one who knows your heart. I can tell you exactly how I parent, though obviously imperfect at times, but that may not work for your family. 

     You know your own heart.

Though specific decisions are rarely one size fits all, I’d like to offer a piece of advice that I see as universal:  Parent on instincts, despite what is popular. 

All of your friends may talk about the benefits of the cry-it-out method of sleep training; you can’t bear to hear your little one cry. 

Your instinct is telling you to respond to your baby’s needs. 

Do it.

By Lindsy Hughes-Curtis
Seasons Within Blogger

Lindsy Hughes-Curtis is a Village Photographer with our group and is co-owner of Jo Rae Mi Photography, specializing in family, children, newborn, and birth.

Mother to two boys, and a "retired" Special Education teacher, Lindsy is also a perpetual student with a predilection for tying up cattle.  She loves Dr. Pepper, donuts, and daisies.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Season of Loss

"That afternoon, in the golden light of dusk, Daniel let go.  He fell effortlessly.  He seemed to smile peacefully as he fell.  'Goodbye for now, Freddie,' he said."  
                                                         The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D.

Fall brings change.  Landscapes transform, a little or a lot.  Green grass gives way to blades of gold and yellow.  The trees let go their leaves.  Things die.  

Autumn's synonym, "Fall", comes from the Old English word feallen which means “to fall or to die."  An apt description as the natural world transitions into the "dead of winter" and life goes underground to prepare for its rebirth in the Spring.

I wonder.  Is it easier for nature?  Most would attest that death, for us, is an entirely different matter.

In doing research for this blog to observe Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, I found a boatload of advice when researching the word "grief" -- a tiny word that represents the formidable journey through loss.  

Definition of grief.
Phases of grief.
How to process grief.
5 stages of grief.
10 things to say to someone who is grieving.
15 things NOT to say to someone who is grieving.
The Whirlpool of grief.
A Mother's grief.
A Father's grief.







Some months ago I attended my first birth of a stillborn baby.  As trouble often does, this situation arose out of nowhere.  Nothing prepared this mother...this doula...nothing gave warning.  This precious baby boy was here and then he was gone.  

Kindness arrived and multiplied.  

Family, friends, and hospital staff were the balm that supported this mother and father through the hardest moment of their lives as parents. 

May kindness continue.  

May the kindness continue for that precious couple.  May the kindness be present for every mother and father, especially those who do not have support systems.

May women be invited into spaces where they can speak with other women who have traveled the path and can offer a hand of support and encouragement.  

May we honor these little lives...naming their names...remembering the precious time (long or short) in their mama's belly.  May we remember again and again.  

May we gather and remember.

On this day of remembrance, I invite you to light a candle and send positive energy, prayer, and good thoughts to these moms and dads.  

Who has traveled this path?
Let her walk with me a while.
We are both healed.  -Unknown

Blog by Kathie Neff, CD(DONA)
Birthing From Within Certified Mentor
Owner of Seasons Within 


Wave of Light - Wednesday, October 15, 2014 - Light a candle from 7pm to 8pm in honor of these tiny lives.  More info HERE:

An Evening of Remembrance - Wednesday, October 22, 2014
More information HERE:

Seasons Within Doula Group Facebook Page HERE:


Sweet Pea Project HERE:

Stillbirth Couples Support Group HERE: